just thought you'd like to know

Im still really new to this blogging thing and I am a bit challenged in a sense that I don't know how to link anything to anything. Lol, sad yes I know but I do have another blog that I just started and keep it updated more frequently. It is tishaandcompany.blogspot.com

ghost of my past

Well as I've said Nate and I are still friends and we still talk but I've been feeling that lately it was almost like a walk down shoulda, coulda, woulda lane. As much as I enjoy the relationship I am in with Lando I still think back to how things were with Nate. I have always felt like we've clicked and that he is like the boy version of me. We get along and things were good until the last little bit. Miscommunication and feelings of rejection and carelessness actually got the best of us. I talk to mutual friends and they are continually telling me he seems down, he really misses me, but when things are good in your present relationship, you don't walk away from it right. I find myself scared to even look back in the past because like any normal person, the past is past. Things can't be forced but why in the back of my mind do I wonder. Why am I never satisfied. It frustrates me. I have so much more on my mind but feel like I need to sensor myself for now at least. Ugh TBC...

blah

I've been feeling a bit under the weather and super exhausted. All I want to do is sleep and struggle peeling myself out of bed. I can't seem to figure out what it is. I will give it a week and if not I will make an appointment with my doctor. Portia says I need iron, my mom thinks I am anemic, I guess I shall see soon.

Change

There has been so many changes in my life that I don't even know where to start. I did forget my password and my email address I assigned this blogspot to so I decided to start off fresh with a new blogspot. Then I finally remembered and here I am. I was just going to leave this blog alone and never re-visit but I thought I should. I don't know maybe I will find a use for it, I'm just not sure about that quite yet. I am no longer with Nate but we still keep in contact. Funny how in the beginning things will never go wrong and then once you are out of the situation, you realize it was great to begin with and a lesson learned afterwards. He's still amazing but I feel like there is someone that will be able to stand me better and will balance me out a little more. If that's even possible!!
I love the blog world and am still learning quite a bit but it is refreshing for me because I can release my stress, thoughts, and concerns all at the tip of my fingers. It's awesome!

Are You Serious?!

Last night I was reading my scriptures, yes I have been the past month!! Anyway I was just finishing up and told Hola to put in a movie to watch before bed and the next thing I know he's crawling under the covers and peeks his head out, only his big brown puppy dog eyes leering out of the blanket and says, 'Mom, can you put in a movie, I'm busy!' I laughed and asked him what he was busy doing and he said, 'Um just playing with my toys and laying down plus you're closer, I mean it's only a step away!' ha ha the whole time he's talking I couldn't help but think are you kidding me? Where and when did this little boy become so smart?! His little phrases, smart alec remarks, and responses kill me! I seriously see so much of my brother in him. Just they way they know how to get their way! My brother was always finding ways to get what he wanted and pulling what I call 'sponsers'!! He never really bought things because girls for some odd reason were always buying him things and food, what a joke, but I can totally see Hola following in his footsteps! They are charmers and I'd have to admit I am a sucker. Hola knows how to play the cute card with me which makes it hard for me to discipline him. His dad Ben says I'm soft but Hola's my baby and I can't help but want to give him any and everything! He cracks me up and I never thought hanging out with a four year old would be as enjoyable as it has been. He keeps me on my toes and we always find ways to entertain ourselves!

Progress

Since I had Hola I've done a lot of things that I would not consider the greatest but I have no regrets. I feel like the last five years of my life I have done things that contradict my morals and beliefs. Needless to say after meeting Nate and he being a return missionary and being an active member, I feel like I have that push I've always needed to get my life back in order, back to what I've always seen it would be when growing up. I read a friend's blog, actually the person who invited me to be a blogger, and she was talking about people who judge and being judged and I thought of so many reasons why I had left and stopped going to church but then I realized people will be people, we are only human but the church will never change, it's truthfulness will always be. Shame on me for being so quick to anger and for feeling so offended by such dumb words spoken by the mouths of those who aren't perfect, those who are just like me! In this realization I am forced to see that once again it was a lesson learned, another piece to my puzzle, to my story! When all is said and done what was said is in the past, what I've done, my mistakes, my wrong-doings, have made me who I am, have strenghtened me as an individual and have helped mold who I want to be as a companion, a mother, a sister, a daughter, and a friend. I am continually thankful for my life's lessons, my crazy, wild yet oh so thoughtful and loving family, and my amazing, wonderful friends!! My time is precious and there seems to never be enough hours in the day to do what I want and need but it's nice to know that there are always great people to surround me and help me make use of what time I have! Thank you!

Life's Blessings!

I thought I'd try this blogging thing out so bear with me! The past month I've been the happiest I've been in a really long time. I am blessed with the greatest son and surrounded by the most amazing people! I have my health, well most of it, a roof over my head, and food in my belly, what more could I ask for? It ceases to never amaze me that I can continually think of so many things that I can thank my lucky stars for! For as much bad as I think I get myself in twice as much good comes out of every situation I am faced. Things with Nate continue to go great. He makes me happy and is always challenging my abilities great and small. He tries my patience and comes out victorious when I am quick to anger! Ha ha what a sucker I've become! Everyday I feel like I am becoming a better person. His being, his very presence gives me a sense of security, hope, and faith of what may come and what our future may look like. I love the fact that we don't have to spend every waking second with each other because in the end I know where his heart is, and that is with me!! Man, talk about soft!! Ha ha I feel truly blessed that Nate treats my son with so much kindness. I know relationships are hard but putting a child in the equation and one that is not your own, it takes a really genuine person to see past the excess baggage. I know everyone comes with baggage but being a single mom, it is really hard to date and know that getting past the second date is my road block, that's where my ride stops, my road ends because most people don't want to deal with that, they see it as a burden and would rather not try. He's great in the fact that he doesn't care, he sees me for what I'm worth hola included! What more could I ask for, I am lucky!